friendship as a shared love

My experience with friendships since my wife "Susie" died has given rise to some interesting insights. It's no secret that our friends are invaluable in the process of grieving but my experience has yielded some rather fascinating ideas.

C.S.Lewis discussed the matter of friendships in his book,"Four Loves", and distinguished friendships from other relationships by mentioning the idea that they are the most elective and voluntary of all human relationships. They are the least necessary for our existence but when they do exist they just may be the most authentic of all, due to their "unnessessary" nature. It's sort of like an extra feature on your car that you didn't think you would ever use but became very handy with use.

Our friends can offer their "condolences" in a way that a "closer" relation may miss in that they are coming from outside the family. Their sincere thoughts can unwittingly contrast with an insider and actually mean as much or even more than someone we are supposed to be close to. That may be a bit uncomfortable for the insider and a que to get with it, if you really want to. In my case I have been amply blessed with a host of individuals who have been absolutely wonderful in showing me support and real loving empathy and sympathy. Thank you all  "insiders and outsiders" you are great !